“Got an inch, taking the mile.”

I had another phrase that came in close second which is on my Cigna t-shirt  ”I just fired my inner critic.” This is a great icebreaker– I challenge you to try this with your family, friends and co-workers (if allowed).

“LOL- this should be very interesting.”

Enjoy!

W

100% Authentic: Hair Free and Loving Me

I started losing my hair at the age of 31, shortly after my mother died.  The thumb-sized spot was discovered by my then stylist Paul as he was bleaching my naturally dark brown hair to white blonde. I was working as a counter manager at Nordstroms for MAC cosmetics and being a black woman with short platinum blonde hair was a huge help when it came to selling make-up. I was surprised by Paul’s discovery but I blew it off figuring that the stress of my mother’s illness had taken it’s toll on my fragile locks.  I figured eventually (within a couple of months) my body and my psyche would get back in balance and the spot would eventually disappear.

As time went on the “spot” grew larger and I discovered other “spots” where my hair was thinning. After 5 years the bald spot on the top of my head was three fingers wide and I now had spots in the back of my head both on the right and left sides. I still had enough hair to cover up the spots.  I kept my hair cut short in a pixie -style and armed with non-flaking clear hair gel and a hair dryer; I could do a mean comb over giving the appearance of a full head of hair. I went to see dermatologist at that time and he told me that I was premenopausal and that hair loss was common.

The thinning continued to get worse– the original spot on my crown extended to four fingers and I noticed that I was also losing the hair under my arms as well. When I mentioned this to my gynecologist she referred me to an endocrinologist stating that as long as I was having normal periods I was not premenopausal and that the cause of my hair loss was due to something else. My visit with endocrinologist revealed that I have an autoimmune disease (Hashimoto’s thyroiditis) which led to hypothyroidism which contributed to my hair loss. My thyroid was functioning at a quarter normal, which also explained my sluggishness and feeling tired all the time. I was started on medication which improved my energy level, but it did not slow the hair loss.

I started wearing wigs to work at this point as it was taking an hour to get my hair “just right” which required that I start my day at 5:00 am to get to work by 9:00 am. Wearing the wigs made getting ready more convenient, but I found them to be uncomfortable as my head is small and even adjusting the wig to the last hook it was still too big. I always felt like I was wearing a hat on my head.

I investigated getting a “hair system” which cost approximately $5000 and I would have to come to their stylist in order to maintain the system. I looked into getting a hair transplant- cost $16,000 and while I was a good candidate I would need more than one transplant to cover all of the areas, so in essence I was looking at spending over $30,000 to re-grow my own hair. I did not have that kind of money to spend so I stuck it out a few more years with the too-big $50 wigs.

Then at the age of 41 I got fed up. Tired of spending over an hour to get my hair right and tired of the ill-fitting wigs I decided to completely shave my head. I figured that it was time for me to stop being afraid of going bald. It was in keeping with my new attitude of being “100% authentic”. I had just given up wearing acrylic nails (thanks to gel color) and was loving my “new natural” hands so I thought now is the time to “come out” of the wigs. I had shaved my head before while wearing the wigs to stay cool under them so I knew that I had a nice shaped head (not pointy or square) and I knew I looked better with short hair– it fit well with my persona, but even so I still had my doubts As I caressed my bald head and looked at the “new me” in the mirror I questioned whether or not I would have the confidence to carry the look.

My first night out with my bald head I went out to the mall with a girlfriend and her cousin who was in town visiting. I made sure to put on a really cute outfit and made sure my make-up was flawless. Both she and her cousin commented on how great I looked and as I walked through the mall I had other women compliment me as well, one even stating that she wished she could shave her head and look as good. I did get some looks of curiosity, but not as many as I thought. My friends have been very receptive to my new look, one of them even telling me that I look “lighter and freer.” I guess that is true as I no longer worry if my people can see my bald spots or can tell if I am wearing a wig; or even if my wig is on straight. And even now — six months later I am still getting compliments from both women and men regarding my bald head.

I still love being bald as well- now I can focus on the two things I love– clothes and make-up. Being bald also means being BOLD- so I have found myself making fashion choices that compliment the baldness– accenting it instead of hiding it. Truth is I don’t miss my hair and quite frankly I feel a lot sexier with a bald head than I ever did with a full head of hair.

“If we did all the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves.” –Thomas Edison

“It doesn’t matter where you go in life…it’s who you have bedside you.” — Lori Voskuil-Dutter

“Whatever you are, be good at it.” –Abraham Lincoln

“I would rather regret the things I have done; than regret the things I haven’t done.” — Lucille Ball

“Faith is taking the first step…even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” –Martin Luther King Jr.

“A good life ends when we choose to remain silent about injustice.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

“Don’t be afraid of the future and don’t be a prisoner of the past.” — President Barak Obama

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” –Ghandi

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” –Aristotle

It’s interesting how reality TV has evolved. From Candid Camera to the Worst Cooks in America. I think what is even more shocking is  how unreal reality can be— I mean really– what woman would stand by  ”calmly” as her nemesis attempts to pull her wig off on national TV? If it were me those cameras would have to been turned off and the police called!

I always thought that life brought enough drama and was better unscripted. Apparently misery isn’t the only thing that loves company, so does boredom. Have we become so bored with everyday life that we now have to watch others “troubles” through the proverbial looking glass?  And what troubles they have— the Housewives can only spend $5,000 a week instead of their usual $10,000 and have to live in house with only three bathrooms; Gordon Ramsay gets paid millions to humiliate and verbally abuse folks–over FOOD; and the bad behavior of girls is now viewed as good for ratings.

Reality TV should be renamed to Alternate Reality TV, beacuse I keep wondering what world these people live in and what happens when the cameras finally stop rolling. Where do all of the former reality stars go? I would hate to be known as the Norma Desmond of Reality TV. Imagine being remembered as the Reality Star of Yesteryear?

2. That no matter how old I get or how much knowledge I acquire, I still don’t “know” anything.

3. That there are two times in life when we are completely truthful– in childhood and on our deathbed.

4. That wisdom comes in all ages.

5. That the most powerful word in the human language is “Why?”

6. That knowledge  is acquired; learning is a choice.

7. That we are too soon old and too late smart.

8.  That life is a series of steps and by the time you fully understand how to climb– it’s usually time for you to lay down.

9. That to keep life on the right track, you have to make a few left turns.

10. That with a good PR person 15 minutes of fame can be extended to 30.

I have had a lot of time to watch and listen to all you married ladies— the stakeouts you have with your girls to see if he’s creepin, the montoring his cell phone texts and the nightly interrogations “Where ya been? Who ya with? Etc…etc…  I remember one friend of mine who was engaged and suspected that her fiance was cheating told me the story of how she figured out his password on his computer and signed on as him only to find out that he was “meeting” women in chat rooms to set up his various rendezvous.

What I find interestng is that the more people get married the higher the divorce rate gets. For instance 41% of 1st marriages end in divorce; 60% of 2nd marriages end in divorce and 73% of 3rd marriages end in what? You guessed it DIVORCE! I guess the third time is really not the charm! Even more fascinating is the blase attitude society has put on failed marriages—even giving the 1st failed marriage a cutesy name–  ”starter marriage!”  What do you call the 2nd and 3rd failed marriages– bad luck? And every week another celebrity or well-known name gets caught with his hand the in HONEY POT and ends up either publicly apologizing or going to rehab for sex addiction!

If that doesn’t seem bleak…here’s another fact– in the US women outnumber men by 4.8million! (www.askyahoo.com) So to put it simply there ain’t enough menfolk in America to even go around! So what is the single girl to do—move to Tibet? Well…actually… Yes!  Believe it or not Tibet is home to the largest and most flourishing polyandrous community in the world today. I don’t know what their divorce rates are, but I am willing to bet it’s way less than 50%.

Now I know what you are thinking…polygamy? You must be out of our mind! Well the way I see it, the “traditional” form of marriage that we currently practice doesn’t seem to be working—either we end up divorced, never married, or just plain unhappy.  So maybe it’s time for us to rethink what constitutes a legal marriage.

Besides debating who can be legally married; we need to consider how many can be married at the same time. Personally I think the Mormons are on to something. I don’t necessarily agree with their execution of polygamy; mainly becauuse I think a man should only have as many wives as he can afford. Basically in my world polygamy would have a “NO SCRUBS” rule. This is not a sexual-free-for-all for broke bastards! And I don’t think that anyone should be forced into that way of life. In order for this to really work all parties involved need to be in agreement.

I just think that we should revisit the old way of doing things. The Bible has documented at least 40 instances of polygamy. Hell, Jesus Christ is a polygamist. Ask any Nun who’s she married to and she will tell you she is the bride of Jesus. Yeah I get that the marriage is spiritual– potato…potaaato! Bottom line he’s got more than one wife and a low instance of divorce.

In the 16th century, the early stages of marriage we know it, wedded bliss was a business transaction utilized to ensure the wealth and well-being of powerful families.  It is only in recent times that marriage became a commitmemt of emotional and psychological support between two individuals. How ironic, when marriage was a simple business transaction and devoid of any emotion they lasted longer. Now that folks can marry for love — one in two end up in divorce.

All I’m saying is that the current ideology of marriage that is widely practiced shouldn’t be the ONLY legalized form of the union accepted– maybe we need to take our cues from the lion– the dominant male mates with several females and they all live happily together. Yeah I get that this is to ensure the survival of the species— the same reason folks get married.

If this lifestyle works for the king of the beasts, why shouldn’t it work for us?